Saturday, May 31, 2008

Pretty Little Mistakes

i tried to post this on wednesday, but i donno whay it failed...

yesterday evening i've read a book on my life.
(ok, this was just a little way to catch your attention and look important...)

but i've read a book on my future yesterday: i mean, how my future could be if i was an american 18 years old and if i would have done certain choices in my life.
there it goes: you start deciding if you go to college or if you take a gap year and then you go on taking decisions for the entire book (does any of my fellow italians remember the "storie a bivi" on topolino - mickey mouse magazine ? i used to love them...) and of course every decision give a different end to your life.
so, i (of course) chose to travel to europe (rome rather than london...) and this is hw my life ended up to be (not bad at all...):
1. i traveled the world (and when i say "the world", i mean it) working on a ship together with my husband (an engineer i've met and married on the ship) and i died after many years in bali, choked by the food i was eating in the restaurant. i reincarnated 24 hours later as a female bald eagle sharing the nest with my soul mate of all my previous lives.
as i told you, not bad at all... i like this ending, especially the part on the soul mate ;-)

i could stop there, but i liked the book (despite the huge number of italian misspelling...) AND, above all, i'm curious (a curious cat), so i checked other possible destinies and here is what life would have had i store for me...

2. after being an internationally recognized star of a naked ice-skating number for a german circus i traveled the world with, i retired with my german husband in a stone cottage outside prague, where eventually my daughter and grandaughter will move. i died of a stroke in my 80s and i didn't go to heaven (the official reason was not to upset fans of anna frank - whom i used to play on my naked number).

3. after being left on the altar by my italian fiancé filippo (maybe that's why i don't want an italian guy... ops, i forgot it really happened with the egyptian one!) and found out that he was going to marry the girl with whom he cheated on me for several years without me even noticing, i met and was adopted in venice by a group of crazy nuns who beat filippo to death in front of his lover's family while i was having a miscarriage right in the middle of the street. when i recovered i joined the nuns' sect domini patri and i have been trained as a killer by them. in 36 years of honest career i've poisoned, stab, smothered, choke and shot 700 men and 2 women, all enemies of women's rights and against abortion. i died on the yacht of the duchess of york (also a member of domini patri) when she shot me from behind. in heaven they would let me in because, in my own way, i never stopped trying to make the world a better place. "It's the couch potatoes who all get french-fried down in hell, because even though they weren't out committing sins, they weren't out committing anything. They just couldn't commit. it turns out that's the biggest sin there is." (Heather McElhatton - Pretty Little Mistakes)

4. i ended up living in florence, where i've been the revered maphia florist, with my daughter florian running her own restaurant, my italian husband massimo and my retired parents living with us. ah, and i loved my perfect life! ah number two, and i went to heaven!

5. after being the mistress of an italian sixty years old millionaire who just threw me off of his life and penthouse from one day to another (logistical divergences...), i worked in a very old shoes repairing workshop in florence and i learnt how to make shoes by myself. so i became a celebrated shoes designer and i traveled the world (even... dubai! oh my god, would you ever say that?!) until i settled up living in manhattan where i married wesley, a george cloneey lookalike real estate developer. we both died for a suicide bomber attack while we were dining out together at the restaurant.

now i shall say that, even the end #1 is my favourite, i like all the other four (ok, maybe i would never ice-skate naked impersonating anna frank... i can't ice-skate!) and i hope there will be a small part of all these adventures in my future (leave alone the suicide bomber, the domini patri and maphia eventually).

but for the moment: same shit under the emirati sun...

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